Breaking the Habit
by OokamiHimeMawata
Summary: Depression, confusion, blood, death...


**I can feel him starting to take over again. Once again the memories flood my mind...**

_**Memories consume, like opening a wound, I'm picking me apart again**_

**I haven't allowed him to take over for months. So everyone thinks he is gone...but he's not. **

_**You all assume, I'm safe here in my room, unless I try and start again**_

**It is becoming hard not to let him take over, what, with all, the fights people pick with me so much...**

_**I don't want to be the one the battles always choose**_

**And I don't know how to deal with it**

_**Cause inside I realize that I'm the one confused**_

**Why should I fight anyways? It is not like I have anything to gain by it. **

_**I don't know what's worth fighting for**_

**Sometimes I just wanna yell, I wanna kick and scream...but I cant without him coming out.**

_**Or why I have to scream**_

**Although even without him taking over I still manage to get people upset by saying things I don't mean too. **

_**I don't know why I instigate and say what I don't mean**_

**I cant help but wonder what happened... how he came to be inside of me. And why he always hurts people...**

_**I don't know how I got this way, I know its not alright**_

**All I know is that I want it all to stop...**

_**So I'm breaking the habit**_

**I want to stop...**

_**Breaking the habit**_

**But how?**

_**Tonight**_

**I have an idea...I pick up a knife.**

_**Clutching my cure**_

**I go up to my room and close the door, locking it in the process.**

_**I tightly lock the door**_

**I start breathing hard as he tries again and again to come out. But I must control him...I must not let him hurt anyone else.**

_**I try to catch my breath again**_

**I was upset still because earlier I heard some girls from Kisa's school talking very badly, behind her back.**

_**I heard much more, then anytime before**_

**I got very angry and he tried to come out. But I wouldn't let him. I had to run away to my house, and get away from the source of my anger. I am running out of ideas as to how to keep him restrained...**

_**I had no options left again**_

**Why does this happen to me? What did I do?**

_**I don't want to be the one, the battles always choose**_

**My head is beginning to ache and I am getting dizzy.**

_**Cause inside I realize that I'm the one confused**_

**I can feel him trying to take over... take advantage to my temporary vulnerability. But... why fight him any longer? Why does it matter anyways...**

_**I don't know what's worth fighting for**_

**Because I don't want to hurt anyone else.**

_**Or why I have to scream**_

**I don't know what happened to spawn this evil being.**

_**I don't know why I instigate and say what I don't mean**_

**But I will stop him.**

_**I don't know how I got this way**_

**I grip the knife tightly within my sweaty palm, sweat begins to collect on my forehead when I think of what I am about to do.**

_**I'll never be alright**_

**I will end it all.**

_**So I'm breaking the habit,**_

_**I'm breaking the habit, **_

_**breaking the habit, tonight**_

**I will let no more innocent blood be spilled on my account. **

_**I'll paint it on the walls**_

**It is all because of me, all the pain. All the suffering.**

_**Cause I'm the one at fault**_

**But if there was no me... If I ceased to exist any longer... would everyone be happier?**

_**I'll never fight again**_

**I raise up the knife.**

_**And this is how it ends**_

**I don't know why I wanted to fight so much...why he wanted to fight so much. But I also didn't know _what_ to fight for...which is why I fought about everything.**

_**I don't know what's worth fighting for**_

**But it doesn't matter now... Now that it will all be over....soon.**

_**Or why I have to scream**_

**I hate him so much. Though he is a part of me... A part of my soul, just one more reason to be mad at myself. If we are one, then I will do to myself what I so long to do to him. **

_**But now I have some clarity to show you what I mean**_

**I still don't know what spawned him and I have no desire to know.**

_**I don't know how I got this way**_

**I position the knife on my chest, right in front of my heart and take a deep breath.**

_**I'll never be alright**_

**I will kill this monster... I will!**

_**So I'm breaking the habit **_

**I bury the knife deep within my heart. I hear him scream, and curse...**

_**I'm breaking the habit**_

**I grin as I feel the intense the pain. I cry out and fall to the ground. I see blood...everywhere. It is my blood. I grab a piece of paper lying near me and write something down with my blood.**

_**I'm breaking the habit**_

**Everything is fading. It is finally over, the never ending struggle. This nightmare I called a life. He is dead...and so am I.**

_**Tonight**_

**Ja ne Meena**

**-Haru**


End file.
